Figure out what you're fighting for
by xfmoon
Summary: A Lucy and Wyatt introspection fic. Tag to episode 2x1 The War to End All Wars.


**A/N:** Wow that was an awesome premiere! My fingers have been itching for days to write this; unfortunately life seems to throw me curveballs this week, so there's been no time. Hopefully it'll calm down a little and I'll be able to get this up before next week's episode.

This is still just introspection, my specialty and my curse. I just like to explore characters inner world, I guess. But I so wish I could write plots again, because reading something you've already seen – which btw was crazy awesome to watch - it's just not as fun. Just a bad reproduction, but I needed to write it out. Also, we change POV from Lucy to Wyatt halfway through this; I hope it's not too off-putting.

 **Spoilers:** for 2x1 The War to End All Wars.

 **Disclaimer:** I have long since figured out that I don't own the rights to Timeless, but I will fight you for it ;)

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It was finally happening. They were taking her on her first mission. Her first mission for Rittenhouse. After they initially brought her here, she had tried to escape, but unsuccessfully. Then the propaganda had begun. Glorification of Rittenhouse, their plans and all they stood for. She found out what had happened to Mason Industries, to her friends, she knew the lengths they would go to, so for self-preservation reasons she had to play along. Right now, escape was futile, but she could play a long con on them. Fool all of them like her mother had fooled her, her whole life. Find a way to escape and take them down. As the last man standing, it was all on her now. She owed it to the rest of the team, and if it was up to her, their deaths were not going to be in vain.

She kept her head, even after the various brainwashing sessions. She was going to show them, she was not one to break that easily. What they didn't realize was that the most dangerous person is the one with nothing left to lose, and Lucy had reached beyond that point already. However, the only way to get any form of leverage was to follow. So, she settled into her new role; Rittenhouse royalty. And sure enough, soon they began to trust her more. And now here was her chance.

She smiled at them, but her smile faded as soon as they were gone. The fake smile she'd plastered on her face made her cheeks hurt. When left alone she couldn't muster a smile at the face she saw in the mirror. Her fingers didn't fumble as she tied her tie, if she closed her eyes she could almost remember the feel of his hands doing the exact same movements. That memory made a sincere smile grace her face for a moment. She had long since figured out what she was fighting for. She was doing this for him, for all of them. She might as well look her part while doing it, and this tie was perfect, and perfectly symbolic of her getting over the hump that was Rittenhouse.

Apparently, this was an important history changing trip. She was allowed to come, to prove her loyalty. However they still didn't trust her fully, they kept things to themselves, told her lies and half-truths. Saying that if she did what was demanded of her, she'd have all her questions answered. It was more deceit of course, and she knew it, so she tried to glean some information elsewhere, without seeming too conspicuous. The wounded soldier's friend gave some hints as to who the other man they were trying to save could be. But it was fractions at best.

Then came Emma's twisted test of loyalty. They asked the impossible of her. To kill a man. She had a choice, she knew that. If she did do it what was next? What other horrible things would she have to do in the name of Rittenhouse? And if she didn't do it Rittenhouse would still change history and kill a lot more innocent people. But what would happen to her if she didn't follow orders? Were there any alternatives?

She did it. Closed her eyes and pulled the trigger. The shear force almost knocked her to her knees. Time seemed to slow down, the edges of her vision blurred a bit, sounds were distorted. She knew she was in shock, but she had to keep it together, just for a little while longer. She kept telling herself: I'm fighting for justice, and for revenge. She blinked; it had only been a few minutes, but it felt like decades in her mind; however she had managed to pull herself up and out of the black hole of despair with a clear purpose. To fight back.

She hadn't had a plan. She only knew that she had to do something. And this might be the only chance she got. This field hospital was surrounded by a battle field after all, there had to be something she could use somewhere. She just had to look, and then make it up as she went. She pulled her coughing-I-need-water trick, as it had worked so well before when she had met Lincoln, which felt like a lifetime ago now.

After she'd been through a few tents she happened upon the armory. This was definitely a different time period, there were no security at all, people could just waltz in here and take whatever they pleased. She looked around, judging the situation. What could she bring that wouldn't be noticed but still be effective? She picked up one grenade, felt the cool weight of it in her hand. This would do. She took a few more and put them in her satchel as she didn't know how many she was going to need, weapons were not exactly her wheelhouse.

A hand on her shoulder and she thought she'd been caught. The surprise was overwhelming, she'd never felt such a wide range of emotion I such a short period of time. Wyatt, then Rufus. But there was no time to explain everything, so they got the highlights; her mother was Rittenhouse, they were saving a soldier so she would kill him, and then blow up the Mothership. That had been the make-it-up-as-I-go-plan that she had formed. But now the situation had changed. They could take care of the Mothership. They asked a pertinent question; how she was going to get home. Honestly, she hadn't given it much thought, hadn't really considered it an option. With her eyes downcast she reluctantly admitted that she hadn't been planning to go back home, she would have stayed in 1918 or blown up with the Mothership, she hadn't really cared as long as she did some damage, her life didn't seem important in comparison. But now that they were here things might go down differently.

She still tried to kill the soldier; if he was important to Rittenhouse it had to be done. Different options presented themselves to her; she chose the pillow, as the scalpel was too messy, and the drugs would be detectible, being smothered to death could go down as natural causes and keep her above suspicion. But she was caught, by her mother, who claimed she was protecting her now, but could only do it so far, and not at all if she kept on resisting like this.

When they went to the Mothership with their new cargo only to find the two Curie women there, Lucy's heart sank. There were no sign of Wyatt and Rufus, the Mothership was not destroyed, and now the Curies were as good as dead. For a split second she thought she might have dreamt it all. Hallucinated her friends' presence in the tent earlier, to help her cope with everything. Maybe it was all too much for her, and they being alive had just been wishful thinking. And reality was that she was still very much alone.

Destroying the Mothership would have to come second now, she couldn't for anything let them kill Marie Curie or her daughter. She managed to sway her mother a little, but Emma wouldn't back down and on top of that she had found Lucy's grenades. If her mother wouldn't do anything, she had to. And with all other options depleted Lucy acted on instinct throwing herself directly in the line of fire. Maybe her blocking Emma's fire could save them, give them a little time at least, hopefully so they could get away unscathed.

Emma was right, Lucy was, or had been at least, willing to die fighting against them, and therefore would never fight for them. Only her mother could save her now, if she wanted to do something, she could, but her mother didn't do anything. Emma knew that and her voice was gloating as she said: "You can't protect her anymore." Lucy closed her eyes preparing for the worst. When she heard Wyatt's voice: "I can." And just like that the hope came rushing back. She quickly hustled the historical ladies out of the way, before Emma managed to capture her in a headlock.

She was finally on the right side of history again. But she wanted her mother to come with them, she was still her mother, and she was willing to forgive her for everything. For lying, for dragging her into all of this, for collaborating with monsters, for wanting to change history, even for not being willing to die for her like Marie Curie had been for Irene. The heartbreak Lucy felt when she chose to remain with Rittenhouse was indescribable, but it was nothing against Emma's malicious revelation that she had made sure Lucy would never get her sister back.

The Bunker was a sad place; even among familiar faces Lucy felt nothing but emptiness. Her comeback to Wyatt's: "This wasn't what you expected to come home to" had been snappy and a little harsh; she hadn't meant for it to come out like that, it was just the fact. She wasn't angry with him, how could she be, he was alive, that's what mattered. But if he hadn't shown up she could have stopped all of this madness before it had even started. Seeing him again, knowing that he was alive, it had given her hope. A hope that she hadn't had before during the last 6 weeks. If only he hadn't shown up she could have done what was necessary. This was her mess. Going on a suicide mission was so much easier when you had nothing left to lose.

 **xXx**

She confessed to having killed someone. He never wanted her to carry around that responsibility. She was a historian, not a soldier. She wasn't trained, like him, to handle situations like that. He flashed back to when she had started to crack up on the mission to the Second World War. Sure, she was handling this much better, but he could still see the shock it had left in her. There was a subtle change in her; she seemed more angry and reckless. He didn't want to imagine what could have happened. He just thanked his lucky stars for the fact that she hadn't had an opportunity to do something rash like she had planned sooner. He still didn't know exactly what she'd been through these past few weeks, but he was going to be here for her if she wanted to open up about it more.

He knew what it felt like thinking you were the only one left. That there was nothing left to live for and that nothing really mattered. But hearing her talk like that made him immensely sad. If Rufus and Jiya hadn't fixed the Lifeboat when they had, if they hadn't gone after the Mothership on this exact mission, he would have never found her. He would have never known what had happened. Like with Jessica he would have been completely in the dark. She would have blown up the Mothership, maybe even herself. And she would have been lost for him in time and space. The thought scared him. But fate had been on his side, for once. And he had gotten to her in time.

She kept saying she could have done it if she hadn't seen him and that broke something inside of him. He silently cursed Rittenhouse for having broken her down like that. He would give anything in the world for her to not have gone through any of it.

It was almost like she felt guilty about not having done what she had set out to do. As if she had to pay for the sins she had already committed in the name of Rittenhouse, namely killing an innocent soldier. Or maybe she felt like she had to pay for the sins of her parents. The whole original sin thing. She had no reason to feel this way - ashamed of her actions - she had done what she did, to survive. A sheep in a pack of wolves had to adapt or be killed. He understood that. But she still took it hard. She hadn't been redeemed, her atonement postponed. Wyatt couldn't take that shame away; all he could do now was comfort her. He tried though, tried to convince her that her plan wouldn't have worked, that Emma would have killed her and that her mother wasn't much better. He made her come to that conclusion herself; it wasn't his place to judge. But from his point of view Carol Preston was a piece of work, and she had done a number on Lucy's head, leaving only devastation in her wake.

That was why, when she allowed herself to break down, he assured her that she hadn't lost him. He wanted to give her something to hold on to. To make her remember she wasn't alone. Not everything was a deception and not everyone was a betrayer. Life was never so hopeless that her life wouldn't matter. She should never again be willing to just give it away so easily.

It had taken him a beat before he he'd summoned up the courage to say anything. But his silent hugs weren't enough. It wasn't any big confession or anything. He couldn't just yet. Coming to terms with these kinds of conflicting feelings were hard, but they were implied in the statement. He hoped she knew that. She meant too much to him for her not to have some form of peace of mind.

He didn't know yet if he needed to worry about Lucy going on a new mission. One thing that he did know was that he was going to keep her as far away from Rittenhouse as possible. They had ruined all of their lives enough already, but hers most of all. And if he could protect her, even in the slightest of ways, that was what he was going to do.

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 **A/N:** Phew finished it. I don't write this much, that often. There was a lot of inspiration in just one episode. I hope it's clear that they're fighting for each other. Well Lucy has been fighting to just keep her head above water. But otherwise, that is their ultimate motivation I think.


End file.
